I am afraid to put this stuff into writing: Ryan has a great job and a great girlfriend. Amy is about to graduate with a Masters in Chemistry, has a long-term job lined up, and has a great husband. Her Hawkeyes lost today, but they had a great season. Hayley is set to graduate in May, has already been accepted to an ivy league medical school, and has a fabulous group of friends. This cannot be my life. Two minutes in which to breathe.

Dad is so upset and obsessed...I wish that he had some peace of mind in his senior years. He breaks my heart daily. Jim feels cheated in a game that he never should have been playing. The fam situation is in a place so bad that I am actually grateful that mom doesnt need to bear witness. My immediate family is in a great place, wheras my blood family is a mess. Chris's isn['t much better. His mother will never again be invited to our house. Her choice. Bitch. Lest I forget, I will recount her first words upon hearing that we were expecting Ryan; "I am too old to be a grandmother!" She's a peach, eh? No wonder that none of the kids like her. Nor do her sister, her brother, her niece, and any of her cousins. Live by the sword and die by the sword.